beautiful, millionaire, business founder, porn star?

PORN QUEEN STRIKES DEAL WITH PLAYBOY



By TIM ARANGO
June 23, 2006 -- Playboy Enterprises yesterday acquired Club Jenna, the multi-media company founded by the porn star Jenna Jameson.
The deal - the terms of which were not disclosed - includes a film production business, a video library, a network of Web sites and a DVD retail distribution pact.

"As a best-selling author, a personality whose name is among the most-searched on the Internet and the founder of a profitable business, Jenna is a uniquely successful talent," said Christie Hefner, chairman and CEO of Playboy Enterprises.

"[Club Jenna] is a very attractive business, which we believe will be both financially accretive and strategically complementary as we continue to execute our multi-platform strategy."

61 emails, personal secrets, and an undying connection... soap opera?

a brain teaser for you:

you have this information about your current love interest and their ex...

you ask first how did you get this information? answer- well there's a few pieces to this. let's say that the version of the truth that we are going with here is that it wasn't handed over voluntarily and you didn't get it in the most respectful manner. okay okay so you invaded their privacy to get this information- but just by chance. it jumped out at you when you weren't even searching for it.

but that doesn't change the fact that you still possess this information at this point.

now you ask, well what is this information if you invaded privacy to get it? its not devastatingly damaging information, but its perturbing. its questionable evidence, it would potentially impact your emotional and mental being.

okay thats the situation.. what do you do with the information? do you let it eat you up inside and make you resentful as you know that you cannot mention it because although you weren't searching for it- you still invaded privacy? or do you shout it to the world because the truth is you know it? is it a lose-lose situation?

guess which day time tv drama and/or nightly sitcom this is from.

old school lyrics are always the best

the thing that you wish someone would sing to you andtruly mean from their heart...


When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't
Take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one-way street
With the monsters in your head

When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

...wouldnt it be perfection? wouldnt it be nice to know that someone loves you enough to mean all of that? wouldnt it be nice to be part of a hollywood story book romance that was actually your reality?

"whats going on in the kitchen; cause i dont know whats cookin"

maybe its because i refused to allow myself to think about it. maybe its because of last weekend. maybe its because things are getting really serious now. maybe its because i find myself questioning the consequences of my leap. maybe its none of these or maybe its all of these.
i somehow convinced myself that our love would conquer all. i somehow convinced myself that i didnt need to be in love as long as i loved. i somehow convinced myself that they were all i needed. wrong! i fooled myself. noone else was to blame but me. i fooled myself into believing that things would get better and that i deserved to be treated like a piece of shit. and then the light bulb went off- or maybe then i woke up from the nightmare i had created.
so what did i do afterwards? i celebrated. i celebrated me and the fact that i was better than that- even if i didnt treat myself better than that. i went out and partied- partied hard. i gave in and crossed the line. it was passionate and intense. not wonderful but it was exciting.
but in the process of giving in, i lost something. i lost the friendship when it became too intense- when we would stare at each other from opposite sides of the bar and try to show off our conquests of the night and see who could top the other and make the other more jealous. it was a game. a dangerous game.
now we are both in relationships- me happy and her what i think is happy.
and then last weekend happened... i hadnt seen her since things got too intense which would mark at least five months.
she was at nation for alex's birthday with her gf and i was there hanging out as well. we said hello and introduced our significant others to each other. it felt strange though. it was that awkward feeling where you dont know where to look or what to say. so i decided that i would play the part that i was so used to playing. i felt myself morph into it. a few drinks later and i could feel myself pretending to be cool as i danced with tal and smiled like nothing in the world was in my way and like nothing in the world was going to take down my happiness.
and then i glanced out of the corner of my eye and i caught her glance. i wondered it she was feeling the same way i was- awkward and uncomfortable. and then i realized the caught glance was nothing more than the initiation of another dangerous game as she proceeded to pin her other in the corner and look at me...
so what does all of this mean... maybe its me overanalyzing and reading into something that wasnt actually reality. or maybe its me being perceptive and realizing that i dont want to play games anymore. i miss our friendship where we talked about nothing and i walked away feeling like a million dollars. or maybe it was never a friendship- maybe it was just the introduction to a destructive game- where we both got played.

play on player.

the little things...

its the little things that make life so big...

im sitting at tal's and i find this book the little things. i had bought it for her for valentine's day, but had forgotten about it until i picked it up and realized once again how amazing the compilation of quotes were..

top five picks:

1. living with intention:
we each have only a limited amount of time here. we have to do more with it, pay attention ,explore, be open to all of life. because we have only one chance, we have to make life seem longer than it really is.
-viggo mortensen

2. overcoming obstacles:
we are the hurdles we leap to be ourselves.
-michael mcclure

3. a worthy cause:
it takes courage for people to listen to their own goodness and act on it.
-pablo casals

4. a loyal cause:
there are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back.
-elizabeth david

5. being necessary to someone:
sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting may be the best gift we can give.
-unknown

6. the kindness of strangers:
smiles help me remember that the sky is only dark between the stars.
-nathaniel kent leatham

7. feeling compassion:
when you begin to tough your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that its bottomless, that it doesnt have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. you begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.
-pema chodron

8. loosening up:
the world is your playground. why arent you playing?

9. enjot the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big.
-robert brault

okay so i couldnt limit it to five, but i kept from typing the entire book so that works right?

moral- get out there and live your life like theres no day but today...

im right for you and youre right for me

and so the night began. we headed down to the canal room early so we could grab a bite to eat before the missy higgins show. we walked around soho briefly trying to decide what we wanted to eat in the hour that we had. after getting side tracked by the mind blowing stores that i had some how forgotten existed in soho, we finally decide to give balthazar a try. now ive been to pastis and have heard the infamous rants and raves of its sister restaurant, but had never eaten there before. so we show up no reservations in hand, only ripped true religions and a diesel bag, but they politely seat us right away in the corner at a table that was the size of a pizza pie- no joke. but hey its balthazar and we dont have reservations and its dinner and drink rush hour.
after waiting for what seemed like forever to order as we watched our waitress help every other table but ours, she finally comes over and i inform her that we are in a super rush so the faster the better. she was extremely receptive and understanding, or so i thought.
the cheese sampler we ordered comes out right away and we are quick to exchange notes on the quality of the cheeses and identify our favorites- mine the mild blue cheese, and hers on we couldnt identify other than the fact that it was sharp. we both order the steak- the middle one because theres three on the menu but undistinguished between cuts or anything but price.. so how wrong could we go picking the middle one. finish our steaks which were actually pretty tasty, pound the rest of my pilsner and we make moves out of there to head down to the canal room.
we wait on line and finally get to the bounce who proceeds to study my license as in im not really 21 and trying to see missy higgins in concert. okay buddy- if i wasnt 21 and was going to pretend to be older to see someone in concert im sure it wouldnt be missy higgins. he finally lets me in after what felt like an hour of looking me up and down and finally saying oh i see those darker roots now. fn meathead.
i was rather surprised the quality of the place. this was no maxwells or irving plaza. this was a step up- a huge step up. a red roped vip section with couches? this was not a place for the normal music obsessed bopper. it was more like an after work chill music scene where you shouldnt yet change into your sneakers for the commute home.
opening act was just ok. she was a mix of blossom and tals friend tara. she wouldnt have been so bad, but the only thing she could do was sing into a mic- no instruments- no guitar nothing. so this is where it starts... i start to get sweaty and feel a little weak. i figure it must be that the room is warm because of all the people plus im drinking a corona. so i take off my button down and get a soda. did it help? no.
missy higgins comes on- amazing. absolutely amazing. shes better in person than on itunes. shes everything a singer should be and more. shes gorgeous for one, she can not only sing but play piano and rock the guitar, her self written lyric are inspiring, and shes funny.
i make it through roughly the first three songs. then i make a dash for the bathroom downstairs and proceed to puke my insides up- yes the french fries, steak, and cheese from dinner, but also the work lunch and muffin for breakfast... i debate whether this means that i should go home or not. i splash some water, spray some perfume, dab some clinique on the face, and go back upstairs like nothing ever happened.
missed an entire set practically but stayed for the rest of the show and the encore which was worth it. we leave and hail a cab uptown when i tell tal that i was super sick during the show and apologize for not being more into it etc. she yells at me for not telling her sooner- but i didnt want to disappoint her since missy higgins is in her top five list of you know..
jump ahead to hours later when im about to go to work and i call tal to wake her up and she tells me that she was so sick in the middle of the night. coincidence? i think not.
im convinced that the waitress poisoned our food for telling her that we were in a rush.
moral keep your mouth shut and make reservations next time.

so definitive that its black and white- no gray...

in the shadows

winning "deal or no deal?"

tal bought me season one of grey's anatomy since i watched the first episode at her place and got hooked. i was watching it last night during my ocd binge and i was blind sided by the story line that it takes risks and chances to save lives. maybe its not just doctors who save lives every day through new medicines and surgeries.

maybe WE are saving our own lives everyday by taking risks and chances. maybe taking a risk not only saves our lives from monotony and boredom but also from unhappiness and from wandering aimlessly. maybe we are all searching for that risk to take that will save us from ourselves and that will define our being.

season two of the l word:
you never expect life to throw you so far off plan that you turn around and everything, everything you wanted is gone and then there's nothing left to lose. so you make a decision to take a risk on something you didn't even know was there. but you can't help but go for it and stop worrying what everyone thinks of you. it doesn't matter. forget them. stay true to yourself. you can't help who you love. so just open your heart and listen and let it take you wherever it wants to go.

maybe thats the perfect sum of our existence. that is those of us who decide to stop living in the past, in the regrets, and make the decision to sacrifice the burden we carry and live in the now. or maybe its not in initially taking the risk but rather in our mind set in taking the risk- not caring what everyone else thinks and taking the risk for ourselves.

or maybe this is all word vomit chalked up to a long training session in work...

memorable 2006 memorial day